Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Give fear its 15 minutes of fame.

     Fear can be more dangerous than anything. It takes away our joy and tramples our hope. Days, weeks, even years can slip through your fingers. If left unchecked, fear will strangle every breath from our lives. I am constantly amazed by this.....Why is it that we're so scared to live yet so afraid to die? We thirst for change and yet we choose to remain stuck. Trippy, right? How many of us dwell in that self - imposed purgatory? I know I've spent a good portion of my young life doing just that. The first step in taking charge of our situations is to acknowledge the fear. Let it have its 15 minutes (or more) of fame. What are you afraid of? Many of our fears are totally justified and need to be heard before they can be soothed. Those are healthy fears. Unhealthy fears are the ones that are purely negative and spread like an itchy VD! :) Those are the ones that need some TLC and a dab of cream! LOL! Do a reality scan with me an have a come to JBEE (Jesus, Buddha, Elvis, Etc) moment. Feel your body, hear your breath, ground your self in the right now. Ask yourself if your fears are manageable or if they determine your every thought, word and action. Allow the honest answer to come forward. If the response is "Yes they rule my life," then inner chaos is bound to clog you up. Few things are worse than soul constipation. It hurts and makes you feel cranky and fat.
So...... What are you afraid of? This is it part 2. WRITE IT DOWN. Put all your fears on the paper and then here's the next step BURN THEM! Put the bastard in a fire pit or fireplace and release them from your life. Dance naked like I'm going to. LOL! I know you all just got a visual of that I'm sure it was pleasant. :)

So I'll share with you my fear that I gladly burned.  I always have compared my life to my moms. She had a child very young at the age of 18. I too had a child very young at the age of 17. She had been married and divorced a number of times. She ended up to be a single mother of 4 children and struggled to keep a roof over our heads. It was difficult for her at times to even  keep groceries in the house. We grew up in a small barely 2 bd room shack. The thing was ready to fall over at any moment. After I had Christian at a very young age all I could think was OMG this is it. This is what I have to look forward to. A life full of hard work, struggles and misery. This can't possibly be. My mom was diagnosed with lung cancer when Christian was almost 2. She was 37. She fought the awful disease for 5 yrs. Of course it kept spreading to different areas over time. She passed away at age 42. So my life's cards have been dealt just as bad as hers if not worse. I was diagnosed at age 30. So my fear, here it is people if I continue to follow in her footsteps I'm looking at that I have five years. Five years is NOT a long time. I will be 35. Christian would be 19, Mariana would be 14 and Enrique would be 8. I sooooooooo can not even process the thought in my mind. I just start crying every time I think about it. Do I start living life in fast forward mode. Do I try and not think about it at all????????

OK so now that I have myself all worked up here and my husband is looking at me like I'm some kind of freak. I think I'll end it here. Remember to write down your fear and rid it from your life. It may be easier said than done. But there's no harm in trying.



  1. Mandy, you rock. Show them how it's done!!! Love the boots and the BIG smile on chemo day. You inspire me every time I read your blog. Thank you! I was happy to see you at school the other night. Good to see you out. I will check out your Sexy Cancer book. Lynn Gale

  2. Well we do not have to be our parents. Anyone can break the mold and break free from the things that they fear. When you know better you do better. Medicine has changed and improved so much it is amazing! Was lung surgery even an option back then? Prob. not. My dad died in a fire when he was 39. I think that is why I wanted a big party when I turned 40. Just to prove I made it. You are digging deep to get through all this and that is important. You are showing the rest of us how to make it through this with grace, fear, strength and support! I'm sure that every day brings new and different feelings. It is nice that you are able to share them with all of us. Love you! Angie