Saturday, August 21, 2010


I have been struggling with who I am lately. Am I a mom? Wife? Friend? Sister? Daughter? What is my purpose? Should I be home taking care of my family? Should I be working?  Helping with different programs at school or coaching? Supporting and comforting friends? To be honest, right now I think what I have allowed to define me the most is this stupid cancer. I'm a cancer victim-fighter. When it comes right down to it that is what has defined me. It's my "get out of anything I don't want to do" card. It's my guilt-free reason to thrown my own pity party. It's what keeps me awake at night as I allow it to define me and my future. Frankly, it's getting OLD!  Dear Cancer, Leave me alone. I hate you. I hope you die. Sincerely ME!  

So on Thursday I had my port put in on my inner left arm. It was an out patient surgery. It wasn't to bad. I'm a little sore and having some trouble sleeping. But I'll take that.

Saturday 8/21/10   This morning I had a giving up moment. I owe getting through it to my wonderful husband. I had a bone scan scheduled for 8:30 am at Highland Park Hospital. I was to arrive 15 min prior. Which means I should have been leaving the house by 7:15am . I got up at 7 went to the restroom came back out and got right back into bed. I thought forget it. I'm done with this crap. It can wait for another day. I'm sooooooooo tired!!!! I'll just reschedule it. Well that didn't work Jesse made me get up. We got there at exactly 8:30am. I'm surprised I made it there alive Jesse drove like a mad man. When I had scheduled this the woman was very rude and not helpful at all. She said you need to be here at 8:30 and you have an arrival back time of 10:30. I'm thinking ok. I know its nuclear medicine but where are you sending me. An arrival back time????????? Jesse said to her: So its a two hour test? She snaps back at him NO I didn't say that. How rude! I have never done this before I didn't know what to expect and this girl wants to be a bitch. Whatever maybe she was having a bad day. We all are in titled to them. So when we got there it all made sense. They give you a injection of some radio active stuff but it takes 2 hrs to take affect in your body. So I was to come back at 10:30 for the scan. Jesse and I had 2 hrs to waste. So we just started driving around. WOW Highland Park is beautiful. We drove through the downtown area into this cute little residential area. I shouldn't say little the homes there seemed to be on steroids. They are absolutely gorgeous. Covered with crawling vines and flowers. We ended up at a dead end where there was a pretty beach/lake Michigan. We got out and walked a little and sat for a little while starring into Lake Michigan. Which was covered by a very heavy fog this morning. Then we had to go Jesse needed to use the bathroom badly. :)  Thanks to you Jesse (husband) this is now one more thing that is behind me. I should have the results on Tuesday.

Now if I can just make it through Monday. I am scheduled to have the Lung biopsy @ 10am in Highland Park. I'll let ya all know how it goes.    


  1. Try not to letthis DEFINE you! You are MUCH MUCH more then just Cancer!! As u said, 1 in 8 women et breast cancer.... You're part of a club now! =) hahaha! Bad example i know! =) Hope i got a little bit of a smile! Stay strong Miss Mandy, you'll be better in no time!! If you need anything at all, just call!! I mean it!!

  2. Mandy, can u get them both removed and start over with new boobs?! i know it's elective but would that help u not go through the Chemo? My boyfriends' mom did that and she had no Chemo and no extra drugs. I hope that may help.