Chemo #5

Clearly, based on the fact that I have not posted in 12 days, I have been trying to move on with my regularly scheduled life. Its not working all that well. But I try.
 My last chemo got me pretty good. Unfortunately it is accumulative. I normally don't feel well for about 5-7 days after chemo. Where as before it was only 3-4 days. The nose bleeds have become very bad.  My complexion is awful I have no or very little eyebrows and eyelashes.   I WISH  I was saying My energy is great, my health is good, my hair is back. Things are back to "normal".  I'm not quite there yet. But I promise you all when that days comes you'll be the first I share it with. :)

So yesterday was round 5!!! I had that wonderful injection today. You all know how much I love that.  I  was getting soooooo excited to know the end is near but of course I got a few more surprises from the Dr  yesterday. So like I've said before I always start with a blood draw. They want to make sure WBC count is good otherwise they will not have you get treatment. So then on to my exam. So were talking and the Dr is asking me how things are going, do I have my surgery scheduled etc. I tell him I am so excited that I will only have one more after this. He says well we hope it will be the last one. WHAT!? No no no it IS and WILL be the last one. I started to cry all over again. It was like when I heard it for the fist time I was in hysterics. Words can not even express how I have felt over the last 5 months. This stupid disease has robbed so much from me. I've been an mental emotional mess since this has all happened. It has kicked my ass physically although I am here fighting like a girl I will admit I'm just out right exhausted. Financially I don't think I even need to explain or should I say I don''t want to explain it'll just bring me to tears. Being intimate with my DH forget it doesn't happen. Poor guy. I  don't  feel attractive at all in anyway. I have no hair and when I say no hair I mean NONE! Get the picture. I have gained about 15lbs so that doesn't help either. UGH!!!!!!!!!! So anyway back to him telling me it may not be the last chemo. He explained that I will have my next chemo Jan 3rd. I will then continue to come every 3 wks for herceptin for a year and I will see him every 6 wks. Most likely my surgery will be at the end of January. The surgery will confirm two things radiation and a possibly another round of chemo on top of the herceptin. TEARS TEARS TEARS TEARS. I just wanted an end to this. There WAS  light at the end of the tunnel. I want to put this all behind me and never think about it again.
Ya know they say God gives you only what you can handle. Well..... I'm not sure how much he thinks I can handle but I am just about spent!!! The thought of having to do this all again just does not sit well with me. If they end up saying I need a whole another round/set of chemo they'll have to save it for someone else cause I'm DONE. canser  I hate you. You picked the wrong chick!!
Oh and if  that wasn't enough my WBC count dropped by more than half from last time. So I have to be extremely careful. So all you sick peps stay away!!!!!!!!

Your probably all are wondering about the heels or boots. I looked everywhere for Black just below the  knee heeled boots. I found about 10 pair I liked at DSW but none were my size. I went to famous footwear I found a pair but they didn't fit right. Shoe carnival didn't have anything I liked. I gave up its been extremely cold lately so I decided I will for sure have a new pair for next time. 

Playing with hats. I look like a lion Rarrrrrrrrrr!!!

Egh! Its ok.

round 5 chemo outfit!!!!

Hope everyone is staying warm!
xoxoxoxo
Mandy

Holiday Cheer!

It is the holiday season with families gathering all over the world to share food, drink, love and more. I wish I loved this time of year and loved the cheer that goes along with it. However, since my diagnosis, I have been more cautious about the cheer that I partake in.

I gave up sugar substitutes and all forms of corn syrup immediately after I was diagnosed and have stuck with that. This makes some of the holiday gatherings more challenging, but doesn't really bother me to not partake in the cookies, candy and pies. (OK, in full disclosure, I do drool over the Starbucks counter looking at the Cranberry Bliss bars which are only available this time of year and I definitely take a second glance at my mother-in-law's goodies!)

I have never been much of a drinker, only drinking in social situations, but I have dropped that completely. I haven't had any alcohol at all since June. Well one a few weeks ago, I couldn't even finish it.  Now don't get me wrong, I enjoy a martini or a good glass of wine just as much as anyone else, it just isn't worth the increased risk of a recurrence for me.

Now there is a new study out connecting alcohol consumption with breast cancer recurrences. Studies are only studies and I know scientists can read whatever they would like into them, but this one says that with women who have already been diagnosed with breast cancer that drinking can increase their chances of a recurrence significantly. Since I have been doing everything I can to decrease my chances of a recurrence, I think I will be finding more joy in family and friends and maybe a little less in a glass.

I will make an exception on the alcohol when I throw myself my big Chemo is over party!!!! I think I'm allowed.

Thanksgiving!

The children were nestled all snug in their beds... Oh wait, wrong holiday! Well the children actually are all snug in their beds and the house is quiet. Tomorrow all the craziness of the holidays will begin.

But I will take these few quiet moments to be thankful. THANK YOU so much to everyone who has helped in me in any way during this difficult time. I couldn't do this with out TEAM MANDY!! I also will be thankful for my wonderful husband, my fabulous family and friends and the little sugarplums who are asleep. But more than anything else, I am thankful to be here, happy and ALMOST cancer-free.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.
xoxoxox
Mandy

Chemo Queen heads to round 4

My sassy spirits are back thanks to a wonderful thing called Decadron. Its a steroid that does wonders for me for a couple days. I'll crash from it by Wed or Thursday but that's OK. Tomorrow is a busy crazy day for me I gotta run to the office to drop off some contracts, beeline it from there to Evanston to get a chest x ray and follow up with my lung surgeon. From there I gotta head over to Highland Park Hospital for the Neulasta injection. My favorite. I hate that thing! But happy thoughts its not gonna get me this time because I'm not gonna let it!!!!!

So I had round 4 today!!!! Woooooooo I'm dancing barefoot, playing the air guitar in my undies, and singing badly and baldly in the shower. Sorry to those who just got a visual of that (wait til ya see the video of it I attached) YIPEE!!!! 2 more treatments to go. I'm sooooo happy. I'm getting there slowly :)

Today's chemo went pretty well.  I did have a moment of oooooo goodness nausea. I was yelling for Jesse to get me the garbage can. But then..... nothing. Thank goodness. It was very quiet today. Just me and the DH today. Got to relax and read and of course check FB fifty million times :)  This morning was beautiful sunny 61 and then as the day went on the temp stayed the same but we got rain and wind and tornado watches. Ick!



my friend our relationship will soon be over :)





The heels we don't go to chemo without them :)



reading my crazy sexy cancer book



OK we got bored so we though we would see if the green can made my eyes look any greener.



YEAH! I have eyelashes and eyebrows proudly presented to you by MAC the best place EVER!!!

                                                                                I have been trying to make changes to my diet I think I'm doing OK. No caffeine, No Alcohol, No sugar. Lots of fruits, vegetables and lots of fluids. I can have chocolate but it needs to be 70% or more cacao. I haven't been able to find much I did find an 86% Intense dark one made by Ghiradelli but they only had one left. If anybody finds any let me know. This girl CANT live without choc. and yummy green teas with no caffeine.

I have joined a support group called Breast Cancer Org. Its a National discussion board and support group. I have been able to talk to so many wonderful woman all over the world. I even got the opportunity to have lunch with a few of the girls last week at Lindy's. It was so nice to compare, vent, relate, give and get advice. Share our treatments and opinions on how to or how not to. I can't wait for our Illinois Holiday Party where I will get to me lots of breast canser sisters.



Breast canser posse :)

   I know this was a short one but its 11:30 and I'm about ready to fall over. I took two new sleeping pills they must have kicked in. I still gotta get my tea time in before bed. Night night!!!

xoxoxox
Mandy

canser blues

Not sure whats wrong with me lately. I'm extremely crabby Ba hum bug!!!! Great attitude and motivation has left the building. I m struggling more lately with the why me? I've been told its normal. Well normal you SUCK! I try not to bottle it up. I get mad, sad, depressed, numb. I'm having more and more side effects of chemo and they seem to be hanging around longer than before. Unfortunately this is normal. You know how I feel about normal. LOL! :)  I also am probably the only person getting chemo who has continued to get periods. Us girls all know how fun that can be.

So I had a Dr appt today with my oncologist whom I absolutely adore. He always has some cute little thing to say to me when he sees me. Theres my favorite girl, The chemo queen is here, canser babe has arrived. Anyway today I was in no mood for this. I had lots of questions and complaints for him today. Maybe I'm reading and researching to much. I don't know but I'm crabby and I want answers and I want em NOW!!!!  The appt always starts with a blood draw, weight, temp, blood pressure. All was good but my weight. I've gained 5lbs. I'm not gonna say anymore about that. :) 
So next to the exam room. The nurse says do you normally change for him. I quickly just whipped off my shirt and bra and said ok I'm ready. She probably thought I was nuts but this freaking disease has robbed me from everything. Why the hell do I need some ugly ass robe for. Like by having my self covered up is gonna change anything or make this process easier or more comfortable. Forget it! Let's GO.  I don't have time for this. It takes me longer to put the damn thing on than it does for him to do the exam. WOOOOOO I'm crabby. I got this spice to me today. Watch out world! LOL! So anyhow he comes to do the exam. He comments on how wonderful my incisions from the lung surgery look. He asks how I did with the last treatment? A question he probably wished now he never asked. I gave him an ear full on that one. I was right in my thinking about having the break from chemo for the surgery effected me on the last treatment. We are hoping that this next one on Monday will be different. I'm sorry what I meant to say is canser you can kiss my big fat ass and chemo your not gonna bring me down I'm not gonna let you ruin my Thanksgiving!!

Don't know if any of you noticed that I did not capitalize the word canser nor do I even spell it correctly any longer. WHY? It does not deserve any kind of power, respect, attention or recognition from me at all in any way.

Before canser I was kinda voiceless. My common response to questions or decisions was, maybe, sure, I don't know, you decide, whatever you want is fine with me. NOW I can get pretty mouthy. So watch out. LOL! And guess what? I'm learning that its ok to put myself first. Everyone else takes care of number one, so why can't I? Its not selfish!

canser isn't killing me, its just forcing me to change and grow up.

Until next time.
xoxoxox
Mandy

mammogram guidelines

I understand that guidelines are just that; guidelines. But I am absolutely appalled at the mammography guidelines. The recommendations:

Most women in their 40s should not routinely get mammograms.
Women 50 to 74 should get a mammogram every other year until they turn 75, after which the risks and benefits are unknown.
The value of breast exams by doctors is unknown. In my case was pointless because she told me it was nothing. And breast self-exams are of little or no value.

How do they reconcile these guidelines with the fact that breast cancer is the leading cause of cancer death for women under 50 and the most common cancer to affect women? They say the benefits of mammography are smaller in younger women. I was 30 when I was diagnosed. Mine was not found via mammogram at first, my husband found it. It was over 5cm and it was classified as aggressive. By finding it early, it has not had the chance to spread to my lymph nodes (I'm hoping) and I get to be alive.

My concern with waiting until the age of 40 or 50 is that people will think that breast cancer isn't something to worry about until you turn 40 or 50. But the fact is, cancers found in younger women are more aggressive. If those women who are carrying around breast cancer without knowing it waited until they were 50, they then have to battle late stage cancer instead of early stage cancer.

These guidelines are based on the fact that most women are not at high risk for breast cancer. Well, thank goodness for that and it would certainly be a good point if most breast cancer patients were people who had a family history. But in truth, 70-80% of women diagnosed with breast cancer have NO FAMILY HISTORY! Less than 10% of people diagnosed with cancer have the BRCA1 or BRCA2 gene mutation that predisposes them to breast and/or ovarian cancer. That leaves a huge amount of women who have no reason to believe that they will get cancer, but will.

One of the reasons for the guidelines is that mammograms don't always find cancer and neither do self exams. OK, I'll agree with that. If there was a better tool to replace these two, then I would say definitely tell people to not have mammograms until they are 50 and go with the new tool. But there isn't a better tool, so why take away the one that we have, even if it is flawed?

I will continue to tell everyone I know to have mammograms every year starting at age 30 and earlier if you have family history. I know too many amazing women who have been diagnosed in their late 30's and early 40's to be able to hide under a rock and pretend that it doesn't happen. It does. Let's not give people the idea that if you don't worry about it until you are 50 years old, it won't happen to you.

The new guidelines say that the benefit to younger women is small. Well I'm one of those younger women, and my life is worth the benefit.

Please please please share my story, spread the word and get those mammograms!!

xoxoxox
Mandy

TEAM MANDY

Ok so I have a silly request. Could all of you who have purchased either shirts and or bracelets. PLEASE send me a pic of you and or your family with them on. I am scrap booking my journey and I'd like to remember those who have and are showing their support. I need pics of TEAM MANDY!!!
I'd also like to add the pics to one of my blogs and my facebook album. Thanks ever so much.
My email is ppets@comcast.net

xoxoxox
Mandy